If Lyrics

If i was your tv i'd be like "look at me" If i was a shooting star i'd be like "peace!" If i was a fat bitches thong i'd be like "hell naw!' If i was a hotties thong i'd be like "awwww..." If i was a cuss word i'd just be like "fuck" If i was a rock on the moon i'd be chillin' like "sup?" If i was a butthole i'd just be an exit If i was the d.o.c. i'd be like "man this is bullshit" If i was the tires on your car i'd be like "neeeaaawww" If i was the bumper on your car i'd be like "aww fuck" If i was a balloon i'd be like "pap" If i was allysa milano i'd be fucking joe bruce If i was a radio dj i'd probably say "the point 103" If i was a richy ass bitch i'd be like "umm...ok" If i was spin magazine i'd put me on the cover and be like "fuck us! and I won't read this, even us motherfucker!" If i was your mental stress i'd be catching up If i was your headaches every now and then i'd be like "thonnnkk!!" If i was your tongue i'd be hating your teeth i'd be like "man why do You try to bite me every time we try to eat?" If i was a chair i'd be like "sit here" If i was kid rock i'd cut my feathered wolf hair If i was your muffler i'd be like "shhh, quietly" If i was a price tag i'd be like "you ain't buying me" If i was a fresh ass dj i'd be like [records scratch] If i was jam master j i'd be like [records scratch] If i was a cheap clock radio i'd be like [static] "tune that motherfucker in" If i was barry white i'd be like "what up y'all?" If i was nipple in the cold i'd be like "boing" If i was your dead uncle i'd be like "....." If i was a raindrop i'd just be like "drip" And if i had an ax to your neck i might say "chop!" [chorus] If i was, if i was, but i'll never be If i was, if i was, but i'll never be If i was, if i was, but i'll never be If i was, if i was, but i'll never be If i was, if i was, but you're killing me If i was, if i was. but you're killing me If i was a faygo at one of our shows, i'd fly through the air into and Ocean of juggalos If i was andre the giant "this is how i'd be talking" If i was father mc i'd be like "now what happened?" If i was a mirror, i'd find another mirror And look each other dead in the eye, crystal clear If i was a slider i'd slide out your butt I'd be floatin' in your toilet lookin' at you like "what?" If i was a pilot i'd be like "this is air traffic control" If i was john denver i'd be like "nooooooo!!!!" If i was a switch i'd be like "flick me, yoo-hoo" If i was a london cop car i'd be like "wee-oop wee-oop" If i was chewbacca i'd get a fresh ass fade If i was vanilla ice i'd be like "fuck y'all. i'm still paid" If i was a stop sign i'd just be like "stop" If i was your wooden leg i'd still be giving you the hip-hop [chorus}